When good workout intentions go bad...

or How I added Mass to my Ass.

Let me preface this by saying that I have issues.

I know I have issues.

We all have our own issues...

In case it hasn’t been made embarrassingly obvious throughout the course of this blog, I have an issue with weight gain. I’m not proud to admit this, and I acknowledge that I truly have little to be concerned about. I’m not overweight by any means, but I still find myself adjusting to the fact that our bodies do, indeed, change as we grow older.

I’m having a hard time letting go of my 25 year-old body.

This is ridiculous, of course, because I just turned 36, and all things considered, I’m quite happy with my general physique. I’m proud that I’m relatively in shape, and that I’m fairly strong for my size. Although I’m petite in height, I’m fairly muscular, which is cool, to a certain degree.

I have always teased my Dad that I have inherited The Chow Legs. My Mom and sister both have nice, lean, and long legs. What do I have? Chow Legs. Read: short, squatty and muscular. My biggest joke is that my calves are so muscular, I call them my cows. I’m beginning to realize that I’ve missed my calling in life – I should have strived to become a professional soccer player.

Where am I going with all of this?
Why do I feel the need to share this on my blog?

Last week, as I was packing for our trip to Yosemite, I realized that I needed to pack some shorts. I haven’t tried on any of my shorts since packing them away last summer. Best try them on before going on a trip, and realizing that they don’t fit, right? So, I try them on... one by one. I was completely mortified to learn that only 1 pair of denim short fit! They were all too tight around my ass.

Now, I probably would have been okay with this. Again, I’m prepared to know that our bodies change from year to year. However, this went against the fact that I’m been actively working out for the past several months. I’ve been hopping on our elliptical machine – working our 30+ minutes 4-5 times a week. I figured that I’d be safe from the summer scare! But no! The shorts are too tight!

By this time, I’m near tears. I’m mortified to think that I need to go out and buy a whole new summer wardrobe. Dick (bless him) is extraordinarily patient with me. He tells me that I’m beautiful, and that I have nothing to worry about.

Christopher then came in as the voice of reason. (this is why we all need a gay boyfriend) First, he asks me how long it’s been since I’d bought the shorts that no longer fit. Honestly, I can’t remember when I bought them. Probably 3-5 years ago. This is when Dick and Christopher both laugh at me, and tell me that normal people buy new clothes every couple of years.

Then came the “a-ha” moment. Christopher told me that since he has been actively working out on the elliptical machine, he has also noticed that his pants are no longer fitting him. The elliptical machine primarily works out the legs. Because of this, we have been adding up muscle on our butts and thighs. Adding muscle = bulk.

So, all along, I naively thought I was “trimming down” by working out, when in reality, I was bulking up. This all makes plenty of sense now, since I do know that my body has a tendency to bulk on muscle pretty easily, but I wasn’t thinking that it would actually add mass around areas that I didn’t want to gain any more.

So, now what do I do? Do I continue to work out? Do I find something else? I’m already doing pilates once a week – perhaps I should do more? It’s supposed to be good for lengthening muscles, rather than bulking them up.

This weekend, as we were hiking around Yosemite, I started to laugh at myself.

I thought, “Great. Just what I need. All this hiking... what a great way to add more mass to my ass.....”

But the good news is (and I know this is good) I found I was in pretty good shape. I’m certainly not a hiker by any means, but I felt very confident that I was in pretty good shape.

So, what’s the moral of this story?

Don’t work out – you’ll only be disappointed?
My workout backfired on me?
I’m Short and Squatty, and proud of it?
I should start a new career in the WWF?
I should dress up as an Ewok for Halloween this year?

Seriously, I know that this is not a big deal, and that I simply need to get over it and accept the changes that our bodies go through as we age.

We all have our issues, and clearly, this is one of mine.
I figured that if I put it out there for the world to see, that it would help me gain some perspective. (which seems to have worked – who needs therapy, when you can blog?)

..and now I need to go out and buy some new shorts.