Dick's recipe for the perfect Dirty Martini

I don't drink martinis, but I've been told by several friends that Dick makes the best.

This is an email that he just sent out to his family, with his step-by-step recipe on how to make the World's Best Dirty Martini. (apparently, all this time recovering at home has helped to make Dick write some pretty amusing emails!)

Dick's Dirty Martini

Start with a very good gin. I prefer Junipero. (I can hear Edward gasp from here. The world holds many fine gins beyond Tanqueray, Uncle Eddie, and Junipero is one of them. Also, it's made right here in San Francisco!) Other practical choices include Hendrick's, Plymouth, Bombay Saphire, and, of course, Tanqueray and Tanqueray Ten.

Put three or four ice cubes in your martini glass and fill the glass with water up to one-half inch from the top. This will chill the glass while you prepare your martini. I like a relatively small martini glass, 6-8oz capacity. It's more civilized than the fishbowls found in some bars.

Fill a martini shaker three-quarters full with ice cubes. Use a suitably sized shaker. I use a small one when making 1-2 drinks.

Pour a bit of dry white vermouth into the shaker (again, the gasp from Edward. Patience!). I prefer Noilly Prat, but Martini & Rossi will do. I keep my vermouth in the fridge to keep it cold. Swirl the vermouth around a bit to coat the ice in the shaker, then strain it out (exhale, Edward).

Add one-half to one tsp of olive brine to the shaker. Just take the brine right from the jar of olives. Buy the best olives you can find, at any price, but do not fall for gimmicks or side-show tricks; a martini olive is stuffed with pimento and nothing else. I buy mine from Williams-Sonoma. They are shockingly expensive, but of absolutely top quality - plump, juicy, delicious, and always consistent. One must allow for practical extravagances. I buy several jars at a time, as W-S tends to run out, and, well, you never know when the zombie apocalypse is coming.

Add the gin. I just do it by eyeball, splashing in enough to cover the ice. You can't really add too much, unless you're using an unusually large shaker, which I do not recommend. If there is more than fits in a glass, well, then you'll just have to have refills.

Shake the shaker well. Don't listen to any nonsense about bruising the gin. Martinis are to be shaken and shaken hard, like a woman in a Bogart movie.

Spear an olive with a suitable pick. The Williams-Sonoma olives are quite large, so I use only one. If you have smaller olives, use three. Two seems unbalanced, but you must arrive at your own decision on this and live with it, come what may.

The time it takes you to spear the olive and clean up a bit will let the martini sit and rest and let everything mix nicely. No need to hurry here. Now, pick up the shaker and shake her again.

Finally, empty the glass of the ice-water then strain the martini into the chilled glass. Add the olive spear.

Raise your glass, look your drinking partner clear in the eye, say "we live once" and drink.

A good martini is bracing, like a slap in the face. It should be cold, perhaps even tiny bits of ice floating on the surface. The olive juice should complement, not overwhelm, the taste of the gin. If you pucker, you've added too much. Better to add too little and leave yourself wanting slightly more. This will make your maritni poignant, like a Hemingway novel. You should just be able to taste the vermouth. Just barely.

Make each drink right before you drink it. Preparing a martini in advance is like planning a love affair; despite your best intentions it won't work out as you expect. Martinis, like affairs of the heart, are made just when you need them.

That's it.
Gin: Junipero
Vermouth: Noilly Prat
Olives: Williams-Sonoma
Shaker: small (1-2 drink size)
Glass: small (6-8 oz size)

Enjoy!
-dick