Life with Noe: 9/3/2000 - 6/20/2016

It has now been two weeks and two days since we put our little Noe to rest.

I've been planning to write a special blog post for her ever since that day, but the thought of writing it was always too hard. I started it several times in my mind, but it just hasn't been possible to put down into words yet. My heart has been too sad.

This afternoon, we picked up our Noe's ashes from our veterinarian in Milpitas. I cried a lot on the drive home, but I also had a slight sense of peace. I thought it was time to write down some of my favorite memories of Noe before I let too much time get away from me.

We found Noe in Dick's backyard in the early morning of September 3, 2000. The night before, we had a small earthquake in the middle of the night. After, we heard what we thought was a chirping bird in the backyard. When we woke up the next morning, we could still hear the chirping so Dick went to the backyard to investigate. He found baby Noe tucked away in the bushes. We believe her Mama cat (a neighborhood stray) had been moving her kittens the night before, and must have panicked and dropped Noe during the earthquake. We didn't touch her, and left her where we found her, hoping her Mama cat would come back for her.

We went out later that day for several hours to attend "A la Carte, a la Park" at Golden Gate Park with friends. When we came home in the late afternoon, the baby kitten was still where we left her, still crying for her Mama. We knew she wouldn't survive the night, so we took her in, and brought her to Pets Unlimited, a 24-hour emergency vet in the City.

The vet checked Noe out, estimating that she was about five days old. Her eyes were still closed and her ears still folded. She said that the kitten was relatively healthy and instructed us how on to care for her and feed her. We were to keep her in a temperature controlled room at 80-85 degrees, and to bottle feed her kitten milk replacement ever four hours.

Of course, we took her in, cared for her, and loved her. We put her in a small half bathroom with a space heater. We had her in a cardboard box with a towel, and a stuffed bone to keep her company. It took about a week before Dick would name her. I found out later that he was afraid of naming her too early, as he didn't think she would survive her first few days. Once he did decide to name her, he chose the perfect name: Noe. Dick used to live on Noe Street in Noe Valley.

I've always said that caring for Noe elevated my relationship with Dick to a new level (not sure if Dick would agree with that or not). We had been dating just under two years at this point. Being responsible and loving this little kitten together certainly helped us form a new and special bond. She was our baby, and we both loved her.

One of our favorite "early relationship stories" is about Baby Noe. Dick would call him "My Kitten" (meaning his kitten). It hurt my feelings a little, as I had grown to love her so much, and wasn't sure where I fit into the mix. I asked him, "Can she be *my* kitten, too?". He laughed and agreed, but to me, that was a moment that solidified our joint relationship with each other and with Noe.

I've had several pets in my life - birds, rats, a couple of other kitties (with Dick) and now our dog, Wallace. With all of the other animals that we've shared, Dick and I refer to each other as "Dick" and "Trina" to the pets. Noe was different. We referred to each other as "Daddy" and "Mama". Noe was our baby- The one that we raised almost since the day she was born. The one we woke up in the middle of the night to bottle feed. The one we had for nearly sixteen years together. The one who was with us for nearly the entirety of our relationship together and formed a bond between us that made us even closer.

I've had heartache and have grieved for every pet that I've lost, but none has been as hard as when we had to say goodbye to our Noe. Of course, we knew this day would come, but there's really nothing you can do to prepare for it. She left an enormous hole in our hearts.

Noe was just two months shy of turning sixteen years old. That's an old age for a kitty, and we knew it. She had been diagnosed with the early stages of kidney disease about four years earlier, and we considered every day that we had with her a gift. In the end, I don't think she was in any pain. She had stopped eating, was drinking too much (a side-effect of her kidneys no longer working) and she was very, very tired. I will never regret or question the decision that we made to help her transition.

Sixteen years is a really long time to have a beloved pet, and Noe was with us through so many adventures. We moved with her into four different homes, and she even lived in a different state for a while. She was surprisingly adaptable through it all. She flew in an airplane, and drove home to San Francisco from Seattle with us. She was with us in the earlier years of our relationship, through our engagement and over 10 years of our marriage.

She was a Daddy's Girl. Don't get me wrong, she loved her Mama, but she was a Daddy's girl through and through. She would recognize Dick's car pulling up outside, and his footsteps coming up the front of the house, and would greet him at the front door. She would stand on her hind legs, wanting Dick to pick her up and give her a hug, followed by lots and lots of purrs. She would "ride the Monkey" - meaning she would climb on his shoulders and want him to walk around the house with her. She would sleep on him all night long, and keep him warm - or too hot - every night.

In the morning, she would often wake me up in the early morning - walking up to my chest with her sweet little mews and meeps, kneading my face with her soft paws. For some reason, she only did this with me, and never with Dick. She probably knew that I couldn't resist and would inevitably give her long head rubs and scratches. I called it the "Kitten Wake-up Call".

She would wrestle with Dick every night before bed. He'd wrestle with her until she was on her back, and she would get her with her fuzzy bunny feet. Much to Dick's dismay, Noe was a medium to long haired cat. She shed a lot, and her fur got everywhere, but I loved how beautiful she was.

Noe was pretty much the perfect kitty - she was surprisingly not picky about things like food or her litter box, and never gave us problems with scratching furniture, or ruining anything. She was a little Princess cat, and would fuss whenever she didn't get things her way, but that was fairly lovable, too.

The only "problem" we had with her was that aside from me and Dick, she really didn't like people. It's too bad really, as we always told her that she'd be much happier if she would let other people be nice to her. But in the end, she only loved me and Dick, and didn't even like anyone else. We figured that was okay - as long as she loved us and we loved her, that's all we needed.

It has been really sad in our house without Noe for the last couple of weeks. She spent most of her time for the last couple of years sleeping in our bedroom - either on, under, or near the pillows on Dick's side of the bed. It is so hard to go into our bedroom every night and not see her there waiting for us to come to bed. That's the thing I'll miss the most - our daily rituals, and her funny antics. I'll miss our funny little bunny who would go drink the water on the shower floor every night before bed. The one who would stick her entire head in our water glasses with every chance she got (which wasn't often) and the one would would play with us by hiding in the bathtub. I'll miss our little "Roly-Poly Kitty" who would roll on the carpet when she was happy that we came home. I'll miss her running towards us with her fluffy tail up in the air. I'll miss carrying her and listening to her entire body purring.

I miss my little Noe. :(

Ultimately, I know the important thing is to remember how lucky we are to have had her for so long. Sixteen years is pretty old for a kitty, and we always said that we didn't want her to live to be so old that she would be in any pain. But no matter how much you are grateful for every day that you've had with a beloved pet, it still doesn't make it any easier when you have to let them go.

I know that Noe will always have a very special place in my heart and that my memories of her will be with me forever. I'm glad that we got nearly sixteen long years with her, and that we had the amazing experience of raising her from a tiny little kitten. I'm grateful that she was such an enormous part of my relationship with Dick, and that we were able to share our love with her for so long.

I'm glad I was able to be Noe's Mama.

I have so many photos of Noe (Imagine that) that I'm overwhelmed with the idea of going through each of them and trying to pick out my favorites. Instead, I've collected a few from our first few weeks with Noe, and others from our last year with her. My heart feels broken right now, but it is also full of all of the memories and love that we've shared together.