Is it really ever okay to ask this question?

I was at our local grocery store a few weeks ago, and the cashier said to me, "So, you and your husband have been together for a while, right? You've been coming here a long time."

It was a friendly enough conversation, and I certainly recognized him as someone who has worked at the store for as long as I can remember.

"Yep," I said, "We've been together for about 8 years."

That's when he asked the question:
"So, when are you going to have kids?"

I took pause for a moment, and assessed the situation.

Here's someone that I don't know at all. I mean, I don't even know his name, and he only knows mine from looking at my credit card.

Is it me, or is this a very personal question?

I gave him the standard, "Oh, I don't know, we'll see..." (in that non-committal, I don't really know you, so I don't feel like getting into this conversation kind-of-response....)

...but he didn't get it...

..and he just kept on going...

"Aw, you've got to have kids! no question! Your life won't have meaning without them."

Now, is it just me, or is this completely inappropriate?

This guy doesn't know me. He doesn't know my husband. He doesn't know our situation. He has no idea what our thoughts are on the subject.

And don't get me wrong, I know where he's coming from: he has kids. He loves his kids. I'm quite certain that his kids were the best thing that ever happened to him, and I understand that.

But I don't think it ever gives one person cause to make assumptions on someone else, especially when they don't even know then.

I mean, it's a slippery question, isn't it?

You don't know...

you don't know if the couple desperately want children, but are unable to conceive. Or if they have medical problems. Or if they are trying to be responsible because they can't afford kids. What if it's an extraordinarily sensitive topic?

Then again, what if the answer is that the couple simply don't plan to have kids? Shouldn't it be okay to say that?

I realize that this is nothing new. I don't get asked these types of questions very often, and I think that's why I think about it when it's brought up.

I have a friend that I've known for several years. She has her degree in some kind of child-care field, has worked for several years in child care, was a nanny for a while, and works as a child-advocate. Although she has wanted to have children of her own in the past, she and her husband have decided that they probably won't have children for very personal reasons.

Knowing all of this, she has another friend, who upon having her second child exclaimed, "You have to have kids! I mean, it's you."

Now, call me crazy, but that's just downright inconsiderate and insensitive?

I guess what I'm getting at is I think people need to think before they make such broad assumptions that everyone thinks and lives the same way as they do.

..and if you really need to ask the question (to a family member or a close friend - not a random stranger) then please consider rephrasing your question:

"What are you thoughts on having kids?"

or

"Do you two plan to have kids together?"

At least it takes the assumption out of the equation.

Note: I'm writing about this because I was back at the grocery store today, and the same clerk asked me the same question: "SO, when are the kids coming?"